So I couldn't wait for last week to be able to announce to the world that I was pregnant, but soon to find out that dream wasn't happening, this post took a complete turn. After 12 months of trying and finally getting pregnant we lost our baby at 10.5 weeks. We were so excited to bring another baby into our family, but on Sunday February 22 late at night I started bleeding-very very lightly. We rushed into the doctor Monday morning but no heart beat was found. The baby measured 9 weeks and so the doctor assumed it had past the week prior. We were devastated to hear the news since we have been wanting one for so long. I immediately started asking when I could have another and the doctor said I needed to fix "this" first. Since the baby passed over a week ago he said my body just wasn't going to miscarry the baby so he scheduled me for surgery the next day. My body started the process of trying to miscarry the baby and I was in a lot of pain with contractions. I went into have a D&C (to clean out my uterus) and everything went perfect. The doctor said I had a lot of scar tissue in my uterus probably due to my delivery with Mason and complications i had with an IUD. He said this might have been why it took me so long to get pregnant in the first place. He also said I shouldn't start trying for another baby till summer (we'll see). So that is my story, but I have been extremely depressed so I thought if I wrote my feelings down, maybe I can soon move on. The hardest things for me in this whole situation is that Mason is just getting older and older and I have always wanted him to have a sibling close. If I can't start trying till summer Mason will be going on four, which was way longer then I ever wanted. Its crazy because I started trying so long ago and some of my friends (who are probably reading this) started about the same time and already have 4 month olds and newborns. And then I have so many other friends that were not trying at all and accidently got pregnant and are soon having babies. I know I shouldn't compare, but it is just so crazy to think about. Another thing I am struggling with is that it took so long to get pregnant, and then if I was going to miscarry why couldn't I at 6 weeks instead of almost 11! I don't know why all this is happening, but I just need to remember that this is what its suppose to be. All of you know I went through the hardest trial of my life when I found out I was pregnant at 17. My life took a complete turn, and although it was the hardest thing I have ever been through, it has made me so strong. It has also made me into a better person, I have really been able to understand other peoples struggles and not be so judgemental. I am grateful for Mason and everything that has happened, but I was thinking maybe babies are my trial. 1. Having a child when I wasn't wanting one 2. Struggling and trying for so long to have one 3. Losing a baby during pregnancy. The Lord knew I could handle all of these circumstances and hopefully for them I will have many healthy children. I know the baby miscarried because something wasn't developing right and would have struggled for its life. I also know that that baby's spirit just needed to get a body even if it wasn't for that long, and Heavenly Father needed him/her. I am grateful it was just a miscarriage and I wasn't too far along, because I know many others have had worse situations in losing a child whether they were 8 months along, born still born, or had a baby pass soon just being a newborn. So many people have reached out to me and I realized how many people struggle with this or have had something worse. Some good news through it all is that I do know its possible for me to get pregnant again (I was really starting to worry about that). Another is that I have heard so many people say they get pregnant really fast after a miscarriage and especially after having a D&C. The other is that maybe all of my sisters and I can get pregnant the same time since we have always wanted that. So to end this post I am not expecting a bunch of sympathy from everyone, I am strictly writing this so maybe I can move forward. I am going to spend extra quality time with Mason and enjoy the very little time he has with just his Mom and his Dad. We are going to take some fun classes together and do extra activities, that probably he wouldn't be able to do if we had another baby. Thanks to all my family who has been there for me and especially to Parker and dealing with a messy house, fast food every night, and an emotional wreck of a wife. I wish the best for everyone!!
